That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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