i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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