ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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