i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
