No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
