we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
