Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
