we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
