So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
