I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we're making bets on your personal life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
