Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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