Moan for me like Helen Keller
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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