Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
