from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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