u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
