do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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