Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
