That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
