whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
