I'm so fucking centered right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
