drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
