i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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