no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize