my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
