so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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