OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
