I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
