My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
