i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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