her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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