so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
