Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
