So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
