I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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