You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
