I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
