...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
