I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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