You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
