I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
