Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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