Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
