if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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