I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
