Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her vagine was all disorganized.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize