if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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