im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
