weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
