I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
