There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
