that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
