i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
