Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
