I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize