i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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