Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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