my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
