I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize