after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
