I'm really into asian looking animals
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
