A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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