"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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