Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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