We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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