just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
