I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
