He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
