He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
