Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
