Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
