don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
