So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
