He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
