Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
