We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
