I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
