moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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