ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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