oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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