Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize