It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
