shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
