Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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