Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
