i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
