Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
