Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
