The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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