saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
