It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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