I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
