It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
