Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
