I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
