I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
