2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
