the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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