i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
