Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
