Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
