I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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