We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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