somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
