The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize