saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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