Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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