he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
