haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
