Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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