hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
