Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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