he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
