That's intense
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
