I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
