Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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