Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
