so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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