Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
